How Sexism + Trauma Shape your Role as a Bride.
As women we’ve been:
- Treated less than
- Considered property
- Abused
- Mistreated
- Conditioned to obsess over appearance + body image
- Told we can’t have a career and raise a family
- Treated as servants
- Forced to be submissive + quiet
- Told not to take up space
- Taking care of yourself means your selfish
- Called demeaning names like bitch + slut
- Double standard related to sexual activity
- Paid less than men
- Bodies are policed
As a bride you’ve been told to:
- “Fit” into your dress
- Look slim
- Wear fake eyelashes
- Wear heels
- Cover face w/veil
- Plan a perfect wedding
- Smile!
- Be a happy bride
- This is the best time of your life!
- Something is wrong if you don’t want a big wedding
- If you do want a big wedding your selfish
- Be a bridezilla
- Rude for wanting things a certain way
- Critiqued for every decision you make
- Have ”sexy” sex after a full day of stress, socializing + uncomfortable attire
- Be in the perfect relationship
- Have the perfect partner
- Never argue
- You should be grateful + never be sad that your getting married
- You and your partner should be in your honeymoon phase! (always happy)
Past Trauma Tells you:
- You’re not good, pretty, smart, enough
- You’re unworthy of love
- You’ll be left
- Your partner deserves someone better
- You’re tainted + broken
- Things will never change for the better
- Your past will always ruin the present
- Happiness, love + abundance is for others
- Nobody really loves you
- You’ll always be alone
- You’re not meant to be a bride
- You don’t deserve a nice wedding
- Fear being abandoned
- You won’t enjoy sex
- Triggers will keep coming up for you
- You’ll never change for the better
Mix these all together while you’re engaged and you’ve got such a heavy concoction of feeling inferior, doubting yourself, feeling unworthy, unable to express yourself freely without fear, and terrified you’ll be left or ruin your relationship.
There is so much pain and suffering in a woman’s life. There is also magic and resilience that literally births the world. Can you hold space for it all? Can you shed these beliefs that resonated with you, but don’t serve you? Does it feel like a possibility or impossible? I invite you to explore what comes up for you and if you realize that you need support during this time, then reach out here.
There is nothing wrong with you. You’re a human being who has been through so much and deserves to break free from these beliefs that don’t belong to you. You can heal the unresolved trauma stored in your body, unlearn unhealthy patterns and relearn healthy ways of coping through embodiment so that you can reconnect with your authentic self. Get to know her again, dance with her, celebrate her, embody her and take up all the space she wants! From this sweet place of knowing, you can begin your marriage feeling whole and free ready to build a loving, lasting marriage with the love of your life.
