I Was a Bride, But I Didn’t Feel Good Enough to Be One

Being engaged was beyond surreal for me. Growing up I thought no one could ever love me, so I didn’t dream about my wedding. I used to self-sabotage when dating and went for the emotionally unavailable men.

Now, I see that deep inside I didn’t feel worthy of being loved. I thought that as soon as I’d open up about childhood sexual abuse, I’d be left.

Fast forward to engaged life, I felt like I was not cool enough to be a bride. I didn’t have my life all together. I didn’t bake cookies all the time. I didn’t feel as beautiful as other brides. I wasn’t the image society gives you as the “perfect wife.”

I was also dealing with anxiety and depression related to the past. I thought that by the time I was getting married I’d be “over it,” but I wasn’t, so I felt like there was something wrong with me.

If any of this resonates with you, to you I say:

You are beautiful and there is no one like you on this planet. Your fiancé wants to marry YOU. You ARE a bride. Seek help if you are struggling with heightened anxiety or depression. You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. Your nervous system is stuck in survival mode and there’s a way for you to feed it healthy new patterns so that you can be present + enjoy the transition into marriage.